In Memory of Vid

I'm not sure why I'm thinking about him so much these past couple of days, but I keep thinking about a fellow blogger who used to comment on my blogs.  His name was David, but he went by Vid.  He was a teenager, I think about 17 years old, but his political views were more mature than his years.

I hadn't heard from him on my blog for some time, but I didn't think much about it because he was a teenager after all, and I didn't really know him.  I'm sure there are many people who stopped reading my blog and I never noticed.  But one day I got an email from his Dad.  He told me that Vid had passed away.  Sometime before he passed, he deleted his blog.  Another fellow blogger did some searching and found a news article about a teen who had committed suicide.  David, Vid, had committed suicide.  With respect to his memory, I won't talk about how.  But his Dad was searching to find out why.

I went back through every comment that I could find from him and put it in a document to share with his Dad.  There really was no clue among the comments.  I also asked fellow bloggers to share any comments they might have from him.  The comments were well thought out and David had an interesting perspective.  But nothing spoke of depression, or suicidal thoughts.

Today I went back and re-read the email his father had sent.  I don't remember this now, but I told his father then that David had mentioned some suicidal thoughts, I think on his own blog.  I wish he hadn't taken it down so that I could re-read them.  At the time, I told him that he should hang in there and talk to his parents, that most troubles don't last forever.  But he chose not to take my advice.  These past few days as I have thought about him, I remembered vaguely him talking about how some kids at school bullied him.  He had kind of a small physique, and said that he wasn't very physically gifted, so maybe that made him a target.  Is that why he chose to take his own life?  I would think if that were the case, he would have spoken more about it.

This is one of the hard realities to face when confronted with suicide.  Unless the person left some kind of note, we really never know exactly what was going on in their mind.  I could probably come up with some different scenarios, but I don't think it would be helpful to offer those because really I have no proof.  Conjecture, although perhaps well meaning, could cause even more heartbreak.  My ideas might just add salt to the wound.

So today I sort of talked out loud to Vid and asked what he thought.   I can't even imagine the pain his parents feel these 6 (?) years later.  I wish he could answer back.  I wish he could help relieve his parents' burden a little by letting them know why he did it.  Was there a specific reason, or was he just so depressed that he couldn't see any other way?  This is the burden we all carry.

Paper Beads: Stringing the Necklace

I finally finished this series of videos.

I noticed that I had a problem with the video and had to edit it. 

Click here to view the revised version of part 3 of my paper bead making videos.

Short Update

Just a short update since I haven't blogged in a long time.  I'm still trying to finish an independent study class.  I must confess that I should have been finished months ago, but I just haven't been motivated, and I get distracted easily.  I have to finish by August 3, 2018.  If I don't finish, I don't think I will sign up for any more classes.  I have only 8 years to finish my degree, and I've already wasted part of it with only two classes.  I have so many other things in my life that I want to be doing.  Wish me luck on finishing this one though.  I have a busy month ahead of me and am not sure I can finish this.

I got called for jury duty.  But I have TWO reunions this month and don't want to miss either.  I'm hoping the judge will have pity on me.  I will happily do it another time, but this month is horrible for me. 

My garden is growing well but is full of weeds.  I've been going out several nights a week to hoe and pull weeds, but there is still a lot to be done.  I've been putting down grass clippings and it is helping, but I don't have enough for the entire garden yet.  But I have some zuchinni already growing, tons of basil, and a few green tomatoes.  I also was able to pick about 3/4 cup of raspberries.  I've neglected them, so they aren't producing a lot.  Blackberries will come on soon.  My apricots all froze, but I have a lot of peaches growing. 

We have been volunteering at the missionary training center.  We volunteer in the teaching resource center where the missionaries use Chinese to teach us.  It's the best part of my week, and we can feel the Spirit for days afterwards.  We met three Elders who have been assigned to Myanmar.  Myanmar only lets in 8 missionaries at a time, and three of the current ones are going home, so these Elders will replace them.  True modern day pioneers!

I visit a woman from church whose husband just had surgery this week.  She asked for help with evening meals for her.  She gets home late in the evening, and often is too tired to cook.  So we just serve up one portion of whatever we are eating and put it in her fridge that is in her garage (she gave us the code).  She asked for meals every 2 or 3 days.  She eats like a bird, so often makes a meal stretch 2 days.  I've tried to give her really healthy, fresh food.  I need ideas, so please leave a comment if you have any!  I think I will do a strawberry, spinach salad next.

We finally got a new mattress after 23 years of sleeping on the same one.  Granted, it was a really good mattress when we bought it, but after 23 years it was dilapidated.  But this new mattress is quite a bit softer and we are having a difficult adjustment.  I think we will adjust though, and actually, it has been really nice to not have pressure pain in my joints.  We also got a headboard for our bed.  We bought it used, but it is in great condition.  It looks great!  We haven't had a headboard for a long time.  I don't know why, I guess we always had other priorities. 

My husband and I have been following Qanon.  We started back in November with the first drops.  It has been a very historic movement, and we are praying for those who are fighting the deep state and evil that have encompassed our nation.  July is a big month for Q, and the enemy is going to fight back hard, so watch out for:  "false flags" that try to distract the public and the media, and for violence that is strategically organized to try to thwart the efforts of those fighting the deep state.  July is the big month.  Have you been "red-pilled"? 

I'm looking for pockets of time to make more youtube videos.  I really want to start making videos for my grandkids.  Like, maybe just a video of my husband and I playing with playdough.  My husband calls it our "Mr. Rogers" videos.  :)  I also would like him to make some videos explaining some things for our family.  We are thinking about it a lot, we just need that pocket of time.

Well, that's just my little update for the month.  I will blog again when I get in the blogging mood again.  :)

Vlogging Channel

So I have started my youtube channel, although I don’t have a ton of videos up yet.  I have one ready to upload, but don’t have the internet connectivity here in China to upload this longer video.  I will upload it when I return home later this month.  But for now, I do have a few shorter videos.  I’m learning as I go; such as that I need tostop smacking my lips so much when I talk.  Lol. I doubt most guys would be interested in it, but who knows?  Anyway, it’s a new medium for me.  :)

Click here to view it.  

Vlogging

I kind of went through a burn out period with blogging.  I think it became more of a chore than a pleasur e.  I had been part of a consortium, and had to write about a particular topic each week.  (eek!  It's thundering outside!  I hope it turns to snow in the mountains.  We REALLY need more snowpack.  I'm praying for that.)  Anyway, I think blogging became a series of assignments instead of a brain dump.  I prefer the brain dump. 

Lately I've been watching different youtube channels.  It's made me want to try my hand at it.  I'm not doing this to earn money, and frankly don't think I would ever get tons of viewers anyway.  But I have so much that I would like to record, and I have a lot of different ideas for vlogs.  I don't know the difference between a vlog...where you kind of carry the camera around all day...and the other kind of video where you record how to do something.  What do you call that?  Anyway, I might have a little of both, but I won't be the type to record my entire life.  That would be the most boring channel on youtube.  ;) 

Anyway, I did start the channel, and I named it "A Piece of My Mind". https://youtu.be/5im10Sq7_F0
I tried to do a youtube search to find it but didn't really see it.  So I guess I need to look more carefully at how it is named. 

The one thing I still need to learn how to do is edit my videos.  I have one I just finished on how to make paper beads.  But it's way too long and there are a lot of things I need to edit out anyway.  I added a couple of videos that I have posted on here before.  Anyway, we will see how this goes.  Check it out!  Subscribe if you are interested in seeing what else I post.

Quiet Book

Our church group here in China had a baby shower for a lady in our group today.  Earlier this week I got the idea that I could make a small quiet book for her.  I worked on it a couple of hours every day and finished it the day before the shower.  For me, this is playing.  I really need to start one for one of my grandchildren, but I decided to do this small one first.  These are all peek a boo pages.  I kind of pooped out when I made the cover, so didn't put a lot of work in to it.  But I think it turned out okay.

Learning to Listen

I've been thinking lately about how reactive I am to those in my church who have differing beliefs from mine.  I really need to change this.  I need to learn to listen instead of reacting.  I had an online disagreement with a blogger a few years ago.  She is a member of my religion, but has very differing views from mine.  At the time, she said some things that really upset me, and I reacted strongly.  I decided to go to her blog today for the first time in years, and I read that she has quit attending our church.  She said that she felt it was better for all involved because she reacts strongly to comments made by some people at church whose beliefs differ from her's.  I get that.  I do that.  I am just like her, although we are on different ends of the spectrum.

I reacted strongly to her declarations on her blog.  I think my biggest problem was that I worried that some people who aren't educated about our religion would think that her views represented church doctrine.  I was worried that some people might be led away from the doctrine.  So I reacted strongly, but she has admitted that she also reacts to those whose beliefs differ from hers.  She had difficulty hearing certain comments at church that went against her deeply held personal beliefs.  I think we two are alike in that way.

I wish I could learn to just listen and discuss intelligently without reacting.  I actually have that ability in other situations.  I've many times gone to visit families from church and have been exposed to things in their life that weren't in line with church beliefs.  I didn't over react in that situation.  I tried to be tactful and understanding.  I tried to accept them at the level where they are in their understanding.  So why can't I do that all the time?  Maybe I expect more from people who I feel are better educated about church beliefs?  I don't know...I'm still thinking about this.

One area that I have always struggled with is feminism in the church.  While I believe that women should be equally respected, I have always felt that the feminist movement sought to tear down the role of men.  I have never liked the man-bashing that I have witnessed.  But recently I have been thinking about how the feminists actually have helped us to have conversations that we wouldn't have had without them.  Because of their pushing, the church has taken extra effort to have a conversation about the role of women in the church.  While I am not one of those advocating for women to be given the Priesthood, I do appreciate that we are taking more time to discuss the role of women.  That would not have happened without the feminist efforts.

The same situation has come about because of the LGBT community.  Although I don't agree with some of their demands in the church, I think they have raised some important questions, and they have opened conversations.  They have also helped us to look at our relations with members who are LGBT. While I may not always like the format used to bring about those conversations, I think the questions they have asked, and the conversations we are having because of them are actually very helpful.

So why is it so hard for me to just listen to their concerns without over reacting?  This is what I want to learn.  I want to learn how to really listen to what is in their heart, regardless of whether or not I agree.  I guess what I'm really wanting to do is become more open minded.  I need to learn to really understand differing points of view within my religion without becoming reactive.  I actually think I'm better at this with politics than religion.  But I should be better at this with my religion because there is room for everyone at church.