When my kids were young, I had a hard time keeping them in their car seats/ seat belts. I would put the seat belt on, but they would undo it while I was driving. I started a "bribe" system. I got a container of skittles and told them that when we got in the car, if they had their seat belt on before I started driving, I would give them a skittle. (Wow I was cheap. "A" skittle?) Then if they still had their seat belt on when we got to our destination, they got another skittle. This system actually worked pretty good.
Candy didn't work that great as an incentive when I was potty training my kids. Some of them didn't care about the candy. Some of them would go sit on the toilet 30 times to get candy, but then wet their pants later on. I usually just ended up waiting until they were about 3 to potty train so that I didn't have to fight them so much.
Things change with parenting when your kids are teenagers. You have to raise the stakes. You have to find just the right button to push to get them to comply with your wishes. Obviously, candy treats won't work at that age. We've tried different reinforcements, including having a reward and a punishment. But sometimes they get to an age when they are so self sufficient that your reinforcement options are narrowed. They have power to earn their own money and buy their own candy, figuratively speaking. I'm at this point with one of my kids right now, and am having to try to figure out what in his life is important enough that he will comply with my wishes to be able to enjoy that thing. This is when parenting gets tough....
About Me
- Delirious
- Wife, mother, follower of Jesus Christ and LDS church member, former Taiwan missionary.
Back in America
My Chinese Name
5 comments:
I used to tell Babs that whenever he got something new for Christmas or birthday, then that just made one more thing for me to confiscate when he was grounded. I would start with the one he enjoyed the most and then according to the "crime" would take away others. One time he had done something really bad. I can't remember what it was, but I went in and took the controllers to his Nintendo, the cord to his stereo, his cordless phone, and his tv remote. Now here's the funny thing: he could have turned on his tv the old fashioned way - using his hands - but he never did. I guess he knew he had done wrong, and so took the punishment. I returned everything - one at a time - as the time went by. When he got his drivers license, I told him that I was happy that he got it, but if he ever did anything not according to the rules, the keys to the car would be the first thing confiscated - which included reckless driving, or not driving according to the rules (no more than 2 passengers). I don't think I was being unfair at all by confiscating things as punishment, but ask Babs and see what he says. :0)
PS. I also used to tell all my kids that people were watching them even if they didn't know it. I told them about the lady that stood up in Gospel Doctrine and said that we all needed to "tattle" on each others teenagers. I sure didn't agree with her, but I told my kids what she said, just to scare them anyway. I told them that their friends would never be caught doing wrong, but that our family always had bad luck and that if they did something they surely would be caught, or tattled on.
:0)
Okay this is gonna sound silly and it might not work on your kids but my parents are the masters of "guilt" you know the whole "we are so disappointed in you" - that always got to me
I agree with Nene on this one. Take away priveleges and items as needed. One of ours was particularly rebelious about something. We said, "We sign forms to let you drive, let you play sports, let you be on the student council, etc. If you don't comply, those permissions will go away one at a time until you do comply. Generally, our kids have been pretty good, but this has worked for us when they aren't. :o)
A PS. on that last post. Working is also a privelege for a minor. One that can be removed by a parent if all else fails.
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