Friday, April 30, 2010

A Change of Heart

After my mission, when I was still single, I got a job working in a retail store. It was run by two church members. That job paid better than any other job I could get at the time, but the one drawback was that the bosses weren't really good examples of a Latter-day saint. They often told crude jokes, and used inappropriate language. I think one of the dangers in living in Utah, and in living in an area where there are a lot of members of our church, is that you see peoples' weaknesses easier, and begin to think it must be okay to act that way because "everybody does it". You see your neighbors going to the store on Sunday, or swearing, or skipping church, and after awhile it seems okay, because afterall, they are members just like you. So I think these men just got caught in a rut, and had developed habits that they were comfortable with. Maybe they rationalized that it made them "cool", or that the gospel isn't so black and white. Whatever the reason, they felt totally comfortable with their lifestyle because afterall, they were faithful in attending church on Sunday.

But there came a time when one of them began to feel uncomfortable about the way he was living. He began to feel that he needed to be better, so he started to make some changes. He really began to shape up, and take his spirituality more seriously. He stopped swearing and telling off color jokes. He began to study the scriptures more regularly, and attend the temple. He made a big change of character. Then shortly after, he was called to be a councillor in the Stake presidency. I believe the Lord inspired him to make that change so that he would be prepared to serve.

Lately I've had the same kind of feeling, although I don't think it's because of some upcoming calling. I have been feeling like I have developed some character flaws that really aren't worthy of a person who is trying to be Christlike. I've really been thinking about what I need to change, and it's amazing how my perspective of the world has changed. I think some of my personality traits have been ingrained in me for 40+ years, so will take some time to change. But I really do have the desire to become more Christlike.

Now I just hope this doesn't mean I'm being prepared to meet my maker, or something like that. ;)


Max Coutinho said...

Hi D,

I think you are going through a wonderful period in your life. It is like you are peeling off a layer of yourself that is no longer needed in your personal evolution. You are growing, evolving and this is a beautiful thing :D.

Don't worry, it is not time for you to meet your maker yet will know when the time has come.

Have a great weekend, darling!


Kelly said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! It's always nice to meet a fellow Utahn.

Life is truly a journey :)
Wishing you a lovely weekend, Kelly

Kelly said...

Oh, bad on me. I just read your profile. Well, it's always nice to meet a California(?) girl. Not quite sure which state your in, but it doesn't matter in the blog world, does it?