Wednesday, April 18, 2007


I know this might sound like a weird post, but I have been thinking about friends today. In particular, I have been thinking about how special it is to find a friend who cares about you as much as you care about them. I don't think this happens a lot. I think by and large we have a group of friends, but to have what most of us would term a "best" friend, is really not common. You meet a lot of people, and although you may like them, and they may like you, that doesn't necessarily mean that either one of you likes the other one well enough to become close friends. And in some cases, you may like them more than they like you, or vice versa.

I took this sort of pseudo-psychiatric test one time. It has you imagine that you are walking through a forest, and it has you describe things you see in your imagination along the way. Everything you see in your imagination is supposed to be symbolic. The main reason I have remembered the test so well was that so many of the things that were supposed to be symbolic, really rang true for me. At one point in the test, you are told that you come upon a house. You are told to describe the house. You are asked to describe any trees that might be around it. In my imagination, the house only had a few trees, that were surrounding the house. They were big strong trees, like redwoods. I was told that the trees represent your many you want, and how close you want them. That really made sense to me because I'm not a person who can have a lot of close friends. I can have a lot of friends, but I can't manage a lot of close ones, and frankly, I don't think they are easy to find. But the best friends I do find are strong and dependable.

I think when you are best friends, it is kind of like a good marriage lol. I think the friendship comes easily, and I think you understand each other easily. At least that is my experience. The people who are my closest friends, are the ones that I feel I can say anything to, and vice versa. But like I said earlier, this kind of friendship is rare. What are the odds of finding a friend whose personality is compatible with your own? I often tell young people who are considering marriage that it isn't important to marry someone who is perfect, but someone whose faults you can live with. I think the same naturally follows in good friendships. You both have faults, but they are ones you are willing to overlook.

I have to add a sort of sad ending to this. I remember once a long time ago when I sought out the friendship of someone who I really admired. I thought the world of her, but she just didn't feel as close to me as I did to her. That was a very difficult thing for me, but I think I realized that not everyone is cut out to be your best friend. I do think that all of these thoughts have made me more appreciate the best friends in my life. Some of my best friends have moved away, so when I began thinking about this, I emailed them. I just feel really lucky to have them as friends, and want them to know how much I appreciate having them in my life.


PsychoIntern said...

Very insightful post...I have decided that I am a very picky-friend-maker. I don't give a lot of people a chance, even though I don't have a lot of "active" friends right now (most of my close friends live far away). I think it is even harder to find best-couple-friends that you can double-date with and both husband and wife like them equally well. Luckily , my wife and I have at least 3 or 4 couples that this is the case. :)

Stormy Trepidations said...

I bet if I imagined the today house the trees would be a bit away from my house. =/ I think at one time I would have imagined a few trees close to the house.

Your friends are very blessed, I do know that.