A fussy old lady named Pease
Thought her home was infested with fleas.
So she used gasoline
And her form was last seen
Sailling over the tops of the trees!
There once were two cats in Kilkenny,
Each thought there was one cat too many.
So they scratched and they spit,
And they tore and they bit--
Now, instead of two cats, there aren't any!
There was a young man named Paul
Who went to a fancy dress ball.
He thought he would risk it
And go as a biscuit...
But the dog ate him up in the hall!
There was a young lady of Byde,
Who ate a green apple and died.
The apple fermented
Inside the lamented,
And made cider inside her inside!
There was a young man from the city
who saw what he thought was a kitty.
To make sure of that,
He gave it a pat.
They buried his clothes...what a pity!
Said a girl from beyond Pompton Lakes,
"I do make the most stupid mistakes.
Now the car's in the hall
It went right through the wall
When I mixed up the gas with the brakes!
A diner, while dining at Crewe,
Found quite a large mouse in his stew;
Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too!"
There was an old fellow named Green,
Who grew so abnormally lean,
And flat and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
And sideways he couldn't be seen.
There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who just simply doted on gherkins.
In spite of advice,
She ate so much spice,
That she pickeld her internal workins!
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'
A mathematician named Bath
Let x equal half that he hath.
He gave away y
Then sat down to pi
And choked. What a sad aftermath
There was an old man from Peru,
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke in a fright
In the middle of the night
And found it was perfectly true.
A minor league pitcher, McDowell
Pitched an egg at a batter named Owl.
They cried, "Get a hit!"
But it hatched in the mitt
And the umpire called it a fowl.