Stupid is as Stupid Does

This morning while I was walking my dog, I had the weirdest sensation that my pants were on fire! I immediately stopped, dropped, and rolled and started screaming for help. My dog ran off and chased a squirrel and I wasn't able to get her back for another 6 hours, 3 of which were spent in the psychiatric unit at the local hospital. The great thing about California is that you have neighbors who take care of you when they see you distressed on the street. By the time the police showed up, they had me tied to a tree with stiff ropes so that I couldn't claw my pants off anymore.

I feel much better now after being sedated. They gave me these little pills to take every four hours, but I can't take them with food so my blood sugar is dropping.