In one way, I have always felt that sharing our family troubles with each other gives us a chance to pray for each other, and emotionally support each other. How can we help each other if we don't know what's wrong? Family is about unity, and family is the first source we should look to for help.
But I have also seen how in some cases, letting the skeleton out of the closet can cause more harm than good. Some family members may be critical or judgmental of the situation. Snide remarks can only add insult to injury. In other cases, family members are tempted to get more involved than necessary, blowing the whole thing out of proportion. They are innocent and well meaning in their attempt to give their advice, but it may just make the situation worse. That certainly isn't needed in the midst of a crisis.
The other aspect is if it is related to something someone did wrong. One time one of my kids was starting to say something about what another family member did that was wrong. My husband stopped them and said, "We should never confess another person's sins." I think that is a good policy to adopt. Confession is up to the person who is guilty, not those who have judged them as being guilty.
I must admit that I'm a very private, independent person. I don't talk about most of the trials and troubles that I have. The ones that are the most difficult are the ones that I keep the most quiet. I kind of think of sharing that information as on a "need to know" basis. If I really need help I'll ask for it. But I usually like to sort these things out alone.
In the end, I don't think secrets stay secret forever. I may tell you, and you may forget that it was a secret, and share with someone else. They may think they are doing you a favor by sharing with others, and so the secret gets out. And maybe if a psychologist were to analyze things, they would tell us that by sharing our secret in the first place, we were subconsciously already wanting it to get out.
It's no secret that our other consortium members may have different opinions on the subject. Check out their blogs! :)
Rummuser, Anu, Ashkok, Gaelikka, Grannymar, , Padmum, Magpie11, andAkanksha,Will Knot, Maria the Silver Fox, Anki, Nema Noor Paul Plain Joe, and Rohit
and The Old Fossil, and our newest member MAXI! and last, but not least SHACKMAN! :)
5 comments:
I like that comment "We should never confess another person's sins." I'll have to write that one down. :0)
I never heard the saying "We should never confess another person's sins." before. An Interesting concept.
Have to agree to you about secrets and family. In fact, I feel your blog has given me some relief. I do believe in honesty and yet there are times I have felt staying quiet worked best. Your great discussion of family dynamica and whether to tell all or not clarifies my thinking.
Interesting saying - new to me too.
I lean more towards transparency when it involves family and put up with the consequences. To clarify - I mean transparency about me. If others want to open up - that's up to them.
I try to dispell any sense for my children that things should be concealed. That's to help protect them against being manipulated into concealing any harm done them - especially by people in authority. Unfortunately, in trying to set a good example of not keeping secrets and letting them do the same, I have to put up with some embarrassment at times. But hey ho. Such is life.
I like what your husband said - that is an excellent thing to remember!
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