Thursday, October 11, 2012

Friday Loose Bloggers Consortium: Accept/ Acceptance

If I remember correctly, acceptance is part of the grieving process. That is preceded by several other emotions, including anger, denial, and grief. I think acceptance is considered the last step of grief, but I'm sure that some people cycle through all of those emotions at some time, even after acceptance.

When we first came to China my son was very unhappy. He thought he could return home to our house in California, and resume his normal life. I told him that we are renting our house to other people, so he couldn't live there. He couldn't understand why we didn't just cancel the rental agreement. He was still in the denial stage, mingled with anger and grief. I'm not surprised, because I know that moving is a difficult thing for a teenager, and moving to a foreign country is even harder.

We used to have to listen to daily temper tantrums and rantings by my son. But I think he is finally getting to the acceptance stage, and no longer protests. He still is having a little culture shock, and really doesn't like to leave the house. But he seems more content with his life, and I think he is starting to accept the fact that this is long term.

I can't blame him too much, because these type of situations are difficult even for adults. Maybe if more adults were allowed to rant and rave and throw tempter tantrums, they would find acceptance sooner.

I'm sure that the other consortium members have different views about acceptance. Check it out:


Rummuser, Anu, Ashkok, Gaelikka, Grannymar, , Padmum, Magpie11, andAkanksha,Will Knot, Maria the Silver Fox, Anki, Nema Noor Paul Plain Joe, and Rohit
and The Old Fossil, and our newest member MAXI! and last, but not least SHACKMAN! :)

13 comments:

Ramana Rajgopaul said...

Wow! It is already Friday in China? It is just 5.50 pm on Thursday here!

When I was in a transferable job, we used to move every two/three years and our son used to go through exactly the same thing that your son goes through now. Eventually he will accept just as Ranjan did. He however put his foot down when he was 12 and refused to undergo the commute in Bombay and readily accepted an alternative choice of going to a boarding school. He did till he matriculated and I think that in retrospect, it was good for him and for us too.

Grannymar said...

I hope your son settles to his new life soon. Are there any other western youngsters his age close by? If so why not organise a Halloween party, or is that more a girl thing at his age?

Delirious said...

Rummuser, I have been writing my posts Thursday night because Friday morning falls during my night time.

Delirious said...

Grannymar, I wish that I could say that there are other foreign kids nearby, but I haven't found any. Even the international school doesn't have any. It is a school that uses English in it's instruction, but all of the students are chinese who want to learn english. We chose not to put him in that school this year because he would still be part of the middle school, which only had 4 quiet chinese girls in his class. Once he goes to high school next year, he will be with MANY boys his age. I think he will really like it then. In the mean time, I'm keeping my eye out for any kids in our neighborhood.

Liz said...

Hi Delores,
Are you home schooling?

Delirious said...

Hi Liz, :)

Danny is doing independent study through the BYU program. I really want him to go to the international high school next year. But this school uses Canadian standards, and in Canada, 9th grade is part of middle school We checked out the class he would be in, and found there were only 4 quiet chinese girls in it. We all felt that wasn't for him. So he is doing independent study, and so far it is going okay.

Maxi said...

This is a tough situation for the entire family, D. Most especially for your son.

Hopefully, he will make friends soon and feel better about being there.

Blessings to you and the family ~ Maxi

Amber said...

I can totally understand, I know I ranted and threw fits after we moved to Albuquerque, it took me about a year but I finally was able to accept it. I think it's harder on teenagers to move too, their lives are so wrapped up in their social world, so it's hard to lose that.

Nene said...

I don't remember Amber's rants and temper tantrums, so maybe you won't either as time goes by. I'm glad he's ranting less now and my heart goes out to him. I know how hard it was when we moved to Texas from Nebraska. It was like a foreign country to Inklings and I, but when we finally got used to it, we loved it! I'm praying for him and hope his outcome will be that he will love China eventually.

blackwatertown said...

Good luck getting through difficult times. I have friends about to follow in the your footsteps with slightly younger children.

Rohit said...

Wow you're in China, amazing! I've always wanted to visit there. I totally get what you're saying about your son finding it hard to adjust. We moved a lot when I was a kid as well and sure it got pretty challenging at times but once he is old enough to realise how great an opportunity he has got, he would only look back to these times with a smile. Living outside your own little world of people and places is a very liberating experience and am sure he would ease into it soon. The sooner one gets this in life the richer their living experience becomes I suppose...I wish we moved around more than we did. Btw...how do you manage to get by everyday without Mandarin? Or do you speak/understand the language?

Delirious said...

Rohit,
My husband and I, as well as our daughter, all served as missionaries for our church in Taiwan. We three speak mandarin. But my son does not, and at present isn't willing to learn.

Rohit said...

@ Delirious: That's great, that's one of the things in my new bucket list. I've started learning Mandarin recently, and I must say I now find maths so much easier. Do you think Taiwan is very different from China? I have some friends from there and they don't take being called Chinese very well. They insist Taiwan is nothing like China except the language and culture maybe.