Friday, July 20, 2012

Friday Loose Bloggers Consortium: Care Giving

While I do think of Ramana when I think of care giving, I also think of a woman I know. She has numerous health problems, and needs a care giver to come to her home several times a week. I think the State allows her 75 hours a month, but frankly she should probably be in a care center where she would receive 'round the clock' care. In fact, the doctors requested that she be put in a care center, but she refused. She insisted that she would be just fine at home. Sadly, she wasn't seeing reality.

When I first began visiting her, she had a care giver, but the care giver wasn't doing her job. She would drop by only briefly, and only if there was something my friend couldn't do for herself. I began to complain, and told my friend that this care giver was scamming the system. My friend was asking me, and members of our church, to do many of the things that the care giver should have been doing. I began to push back, and insist that she have the care giver do those things. Eventually, she fired the care giver, and hired a woman from church.

The interesting thing about this new situation is that my friend now realizes how much she was missing before! In fact, she is going to ask the state to re-evaluate her situation to see if she could be allowed more hours of care. I don't think she ever fully appreciated, until now, how much she really needs the help. Now she tells me that I was right in suggesting she fire the other care giver. Sadly, she gets angry when I tell her that I still think she should be living in a care center where she would get help 24/7.

My heart felt thanks go out to all care givers who not only put in the hours, but give of their heart to these helpless among us. In our religion we believe that service we give is godlike. "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17, The Book of Mormon) That is a sacred opportunity!

Conversely, I would give warning to those who have been given the responsibility to care for others, yet abuse or neglect them. I believe there is a God. And I believe that people who neglect the very weakest among us will be held accountable for their actions. You may give excuses, or think they are not deserving of your help. But watch out, for God may throw you a curve, and you may also find yourself in need of care. What kind of person would you want caring for you?

Now go see what the other consortium members have to say about care giving:
Rummuser, Anu, Ashkok, Gaelikka, Grannymar, , Padmum, Magpie11, andAkanksha,Will Knot, Maria the Silver Fox, Anki, Nema Noor Paul Plain Joe, and Rohit
and The Old Fossil, and our newest member MAXI!


Grannymar said...

I don't think we should need to be told to care for others, it should come naturally, or be something we are taught right from the cradle. If we all played our part there would be no need for half the money that goes to social services.

The Old Fossil said...

D, you walk the walk and that gives great weight to the post. It is filled with so many ideas worth consideration, but one that jumps out at me is the difficulty some have with accepting care giving. Living with Care is a two-way street and often not an easy one.

Maria from Silver Fox said...

My experience with health care centers makes me fearful of ever putting a loved one in such a place of neglect. If the woman you wrote about had similar observations, I can understand her strong desire to stay in her own home. The idea of my living out my last few months in a warehouse for the elderly, scares me a lot.

She was lucky to have you to guide her in the right direction.

Rummuser said...

Being in denial is a common trait among care receivers when their minds are fine and only their bodies are the cause of the problem. There are also occasions like dementia and alzheimers when both kick in and in the latter case, lives of care givers can become hell. I know quite a few cases of the latter kind. My own care receiver is still in denial about some of the problems that he has and managing that also is part of the frustrations that I face.

We do not have State assistance and families have to bear the entire burden, costs or otherwise. The homes for the disabled are such that I would not like to put my enemies there. In any case, my father's personality being what it is, I would have to remove him within a few days of admittance!

cedar51 said...

I would say "it's probably a difficult situation" where the woman in need of round-the-clock care doesn't want to have to leave her "home"

In a past life I worked in a "care facility" and watched as the clients would become agitated over the tiniest of things. One time, a family member said "Mother, never had a lot of people sitting at the same table, day-in-day-out with such bad table manners"

And you began to observe what was happening and felt powerless to help...the client causing the problems would not be shifted from the dining room which would have been far better for the moral of the others.

Maxi said...

This is a sad situation for you and your friend. You see her needs, yet she does not want to leave her home.

Soon the time may come when she will not have a choice. My heart goes out to her.

My late husband wanted to die at home, in his own bed, only it didn't work out that way.

Fortunately, he was able to be in a beautiful hospice where he was well taken care of.

Blessings - Maxi

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately what you describe does happen.
Perhaps giving carers the credit, status and pay they deserve would go some way to encouraging a high calibre of professional.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately what you describe does happen.
Perhaps giving carers the credit, status and pay they deserve would go some way to encouraging a high calibre of professional.