Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Walk a Mile in My Mocassins

I got a message from someone on facebook today that was a subtle criticism. This person was suggesting that I make a change in my life. The actual message wasn't critical in the way it was written, but the unspoken message behind it was. This message comes from someone who is probably the most idealistic, and also most judgemental person I know. In some ways her idealism is good because it pushes her to excel in life. But in other ways it isn't good because it causes her to be critical of others who don't measure up to her expectations.

At first I was a little upset by the message. It's so unfair for her to judge me, when she knows nothing about my life, or struggles or challenges in my life. She knows nothing about what I have to do on a daily basis, or the responsibilities I have. This is why being judgemental is so unfair. Like the old Indian saying goes, you can't judge a person until you have walked a mile in their mocassins. In my reply to her, I explained some of the health struggles I've had, as well as some of the current challenges I have, and explained that I won't be able to make the change that she suggested.

As I thought about this later, I almost laughed to myself. I found myself having an imaginary conversation with her. I found myself saying, "If you don't like this about me, I can give you plenty of other things about myself that you will like even less!" My husband even jokingly suggested that I reply with some comment of that sort. lol If this little thing bothers her so much, imagine how sleepless she would be if I could really give her some faults to mull over at night!

I don't know, in a weird sort of way, something about that thought brought me great comfort. lol


Grannymar said...

Don't lose any sleep over it. Sounds like the sender of the message has far too much time on her hands.

Rummuser said...

In old American Indian mythology, criticism is one's self seeing the self in the other. The solution would be a ritual to drive out the ghost. I would simply ignore the whole thing, having had an opportunity to look at yourself with the opening that she gave you.

Inklings said...

I am always amazed at the things people will say. Or in this case, write.

Nene said...

I agree with Inklings. I've had people say stuff to me that I can hardly believe. My motto is: If they can say something that rude, then it is free game to respond with equal furvor.

Now I have to get off Blogger and get back on FB to see what the comment was. :0)

Delirious said...

Nene, it was sent in a personal message. Like I said, the message itself was civil, but the judgement behind it wasn't. ;P

Ursula said...

Delirious, by way of comfort: You say that person knows nothing of you, your life, any health issues you have. In which case maybe what you perceive as criticism wasn't meant as such. Sometimes we try to help only to find we made a boo-boo, hurting someone unintentionally.

Since she obviously cares for you - why would she otherwise take the time to give you advice - I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Having explained to her, and if I were in HER "moccasins", I'd now be pretty embarrassed.

On a general note: What we perceive as criticism or what indeed IS criticism is never pleasant to hear; yet an outsider's view can be beneficial, helpful to us, an eyeopener.

All the best

Delirious said...

Ursula, In this case, I was not wrong in my judgment. I replied to her, and she replied back. The second message was full of the words that she didn't say in the first.
Why would she take the time to give me advice? Because this particular thing irritates her, and she has control issues. She knew nothing of my situation before sending the message, she only knew of this one thing that she didn't like. She doesn't live near my anymore, and when she did live near me, she was also then very judgmental. She even confided in me that this is something with which she struggles.