Friday, November 04, 2011

All You Need is Love?

I was watching one of those "Baby Story" birthing shows today that featured two lesbian women who were married. They had used a sperm bank to get their children. They were having their second child during this episode. One thing they said stuck in my head, and I've thought a lot about it. They said, "All you need for a family is love, and we have love."

I have to admit that love is a very important part of a family, but it isn't everything a child needs. A child needs a same gender parent to learn from. A boy learns how to act in a man's world by looking at the men in his home. A girl learns how women communicate by living with women. When you take away that gender parent, you leave a hole in the child's learning. Visiting "Uncle Larry" on the weekends doesn't cut it.

I also remember learning that girls learn about femininity, and boys learn about masculinity from their same gender parent. This is built up over days, and weeks, and months, and years of living together. The little boys in my family watched everything their Dad did. They would try to imitate him shaving, or doing other daily chores. Children learn more by watching than most people realize.

Another thing that I remember learning in a child development class is that men and women interact differently with a baby. Women tend to be more nurturing and soft spoken. Men tend to be more physical and energetic. I remember a video I took of my husband playing with my first born child in the hospital. He was wiggling her legs, and clapping her hands, and bouncing her around. My initial instincts were to tell him to be more gentle. But I had learned that this kind of play is actually good for a baby's development. They need both kinds of interaction.

I guess I feel a little sorry for those two little baby boys who were born in to the home of the two lesbian women. Yes, those little boys will be loved. Yes, they will be cherished. But I regret that they will miss out on the one thing that my children had; the influence of a father and a mother.


Rummuser said...

This matter has been debated till I am sick of all the reasons why it is legitimate for same sex couples to have children. I agree with you that a child needs the yin and the yang influences as it grows up and these are provided for by one male and one female parent. No matter how much exposure to love a child gets, it will still be short of what another child of two sex couple gets.

Grannymar said...

I will admit to being troubled by same sex couples having children but there are plenty of examples where the ‘hetrosexual couple' make a very poor job of parenting. Another situation that really annoys me are the single women who choose to have a child alone - I see it as pure selfishness.... and then I remember the fathers or mothers who bring up a family alone (making a good job of it) because their partner had died. Perhaps we should learn not to judge.

Grannymar said...

I should add that I was fortunate that my husband was alive until Elly was nineteen and they had a wonderful relationship.

Delirious said...

I do not judge those who have no other option. They need all the support they can get. But I feel sorry for children who are born to a family that chooses to not give them both a father and a mother. I feel in that instance I need to judge, so as to speak up for the rights of the unborn, or those who are to be adopted.

I love the "yin yang" example that you used. That says it all!

Grannymar said...

Delirious - I was not attacking you, my 'judging' was as much for me as for anyone else.