Sunday, September 18, 2011

Guide to the Single Guy or Girl

I know that just because I am married, that doesn't make me an expert on how to get married. But I do have some tips for those who want to get married. This comes after a discussion with a single friend of mine. He was bemoaning that he is single, and I made the comment that I didn't want to hear him whine, because I had tried to line him up with someone, and he had refused without even meeting them. I tried to just get them to meet at first, but he wouldn't even hear of that. People often bemoan their single status, but they don't really make any plans for how to get married. That may sound cold and calculated, but I like to think of it as "goal setting".

So here are my tips for someone who wants to get married:

1. Put yourself in a position to meet other single people.

That may mean joining a club, or attending church social functions, or going to college; any activity that puts you in an environment with other singles.

2. Don't believe in "Love at first sight".

My experience is that I get to like people the more I get to know them. If it is love at first sight, then it is probably just physical attraction. Unless there is some other emotional connection, physical attraction will only take you so far. So even though you may not find someone "hot", don't discount them, because you may actually really like them once you get to know them.

3. Network

Experts on dating and marriage agree that networking is one of the best ways to find people to date. What does "networking" mean? It means to put out the word that you are looking for someone to date. Allow your friends to line you up for a blind date. I've heard so many people who have said something like, "My coworker introduced my future wife to me."

4. One date doesn't require you to marry

People now days have lost the meaning of the word "date". They think that if they date someone, they are bound by commitment to date them again. But look at dating in a different way. Look at it sort of like a "sampling". When you go to Baskin Robbin's ice cream, they allow you to taste some of the flavors before deciding which ice cream you want to buy. Think of a date kind of in the same way. You are just checking out the person to see if they are someone in who you might have interest. If you like your time with them, date them again. If you don't, move on to another "flavor".

5. Don't be too picky

My father used to always use this saying, "The older we get, the more particular, and less desirable we get." I think that's true. We begin to have higher and higher expectations for those we date. But in reality, we ourselves are no prize. Remember that every person has strengths and weaknesses. The trick is to find someone whose weaknesses you can live with. There is no perfect person. And even if you find the most gorgeous person in the world, chances are that within 10 years they will look vastly different from when you first met. A true long lasting relationship is one in which both parties are TOLERANT of the other's weaknesses, whether they are physical or are personality weaknesses.

6. Don't get stuck on the wrong person

I think one of the saddest things is when people get their hopes up about dating one particular person, although that person never quite shows the same interest. If you are spending month after month dating without any increase in commitment or depth of relationship, stop wasting your time. I've seen people who are sure that the person with whom they are infatuated is the right one for them. But in most cases, that person has already made it clear they just want to be friends. Sometimes we think we can change people. Or we believe they will change for us. But as Dr. Phil says, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." If they don't seem willing to commit to you, move on.

7. Pray for help

If you are a religion person, pray for help in finding the right person. God can inspire your mind to know where to look. But that means you have to be willing to listen to the promptings you get. But I know from personal experience that this works!

8, There are no "soul mates"

I really believe that there isn't just one perfect soul mate for each of us. I really believe that any one of us could marry any number of people and be as equally happy. It all comes down to MAKING the relationship a good one. It's interesting to think about how marriage happens in other countries in the world. So many of them have arranged marriages, and the people live happily together for many, many years. What that says to me is that these people were willing to "make it work". That kind of attitude can go a long way in helping people to find someone to marry.

Well, as I said, I'm no expert on the matter, but I do feel I have some good advice to pass along. I suppose my last piece of advice is to "Listen to other people's advice"! Try out some of these tips and let me know how they work for you!


Maria from SilverFox said...

Good sound advice.

Nene said...

These are good tips. See, now you should print them out and hand them out to the singles in RS. :0)

Rummuser said...

What specific advise would you give me Delirious? I am single and eligible, don't you think? :-)

Delirious said...

Rummy, I think these tips are good for you as well. If you are serious about finding a mate, you should network, and allow your friends to set you up with blind dates. Put yourself in a position to meet other single people. I don't know how that works in India. But at the least you can allow your friends to match make for you. And if you never find a long term relationship, you will at least have some fun dates along the way. :)

Rohit said...

2 points out of this caught my attention in particular..not to get stuck with the wrong person and the one about no soul mates. If I were to fill out those survey type questionnaires with "1" for totally agree and "5" for totally disagree, I'd give them 1 and 5 respectively. 1 I can say from personal experience. 5, well that just comes from my belief in the law of causation which essentially attributes all happenings to previous ones where every event is a cause as well as an effect. Everything that we experience are like links in a chain, a chain is no chain without individual links, while links have no existence of their own separate from the chain. Writing this much is putting me to sleep already :-P

Great post though...some fine advice! I'll try to tag back to this post for some of my friends who subject me to similar torture :-)