Some months back, a friend of mine blogged about how we all hurt in different ways. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. She mentinoed that some people cry, some confront the person who hurt them. Some bury their head in the sand and pretend nothing happened. Some withdraw to lick their wounds. Some just get angry. Some have to find someone to talk to. I withdraw.
Now, if I'm angry, that's a different story. I tend to fight when I'm angry. You know the old saying, "fight or flight". I fight. But if I'm hurt, that's a different thing. I usually withdraw and don't talk to the person. It isn't the silent treatment, it's just that I need time to lick my wounds. In fact, when I am really upset, I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to deal with it alone.
What do you do when you are hurt by someone?
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Most of those who hurt me planned it quite deliberately so that by the time I figured out what had happened, I was in a position long past recovering anything. The people usually were operating from positions of absolute power, so justice wasn't an option either.
Mainly I turn to the Lord and ask Him what He is trying to teach me, because I presume there is a lesson in everything. Did I have my priorities wrong? Then the important thing is to find something new to focus my attentions on and strive to be forgiving.
Having said all that, I have always taken the easy-out and simply moved on. For those whose hurt is in a family relationship where moving on isn't an option, they truly have the challenge that is beyond comprehension.
I have a hard time letting go, even the smallest thing. I tend to hold the grudge until the person tries to reconcile it. If they don't i just avoid them.
I do the same thing - I withdraw. I might even withdraw for quite awhile. I'm like you, I need to lick my wounds. But I am usually forgiving and I will come back after I have licked my wounds, sorted it out in my mind, and I come up with several reasons as to why the person did what they did. Then I basically forgive the person for being an idiot and resume the relationship without ever telling them I was hurt. I think the only person I actually tell, is my husband, and I don't even tell him all the time, unless he - knowing me - knows I'm hurt and prys it out of me. I've found it doesn't do any good to tell anyone (other than my husband) what they did, because if I do it makes them mad that I have pointed out one of their imperfections.
I usually write in my journal and talk it over with someone else. I don't hold grudges, but it may take me a little while to get over it. I usually try to continue to be friendly with the person who hurt me so I am not the guilty one. If it turns out to happen frequently with a person, I withdraw from them, but am still friendly if I run into them somewhere. If that is the case, I figure it is going to take some effort if reconciliation from them if we are going to continue in a relationship.
There has been a time or two when I did tell the person just how I felt, though, like the lieutenant at the jail.
There is no one answer to your question Delirious. I try to shrug it off. It takes a few tries but eventually it goes. I use the mantra "this too shall pass". I am of course now much older than you are and it is relatively easy, but not to worry, you will get there too. This is a good way of doing something about it, blogging I mean.
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