Shop Til You Drop

I always seem to put off Christmas shopping til the last minute. Then I spend day after day shopping for hours. I used to be able to do this, but I don't have the stamina for it anymore. Today while I was shopping I found myself moving slower and slower the longer I shopped. I think a passerby might have thought I was a parkinson's patient who was "frozen". I would find myself staring at something trying to decide if it was what I wanted, but I would spend more time than needed because I was running out of juice. I really think I began to lose it at one point.

I was browsing men's pajamas when I heard over the loud speaker, "Target team members, it is time for our afternoon cuddle. Once again, our afternoon cuddle in the stock room.". I looked up in shock and looked around to see other people's reactions. No one else seemed to have even heard the announcement. I started thinking that maybe it was Target's way of building team unity. But I have to admit that I still cringed at the thought of everyone in the stock room cuddling.
Finally I couldn't take it anymore. A Target "team member" walked by and I said, "Excuse me, did they just say it is time for the afternoon cuddle?". She smiled and said "Mmmm Hmmm". I stared at her. I just couldn't believe it! After a long awkward pause, she said, "Yup, time for our afternoon huddle!". I said, "Oh! I thought they said CUDDLE, not HUDDLE!". She looked at me with a half smile that hid her real thoughts, which were, "Lady, don't you think you should take a break?".

If it's any consolation, I heard a guy in the toy section losing it too. He was shopping with his little boy who couldn't have been more than about 18 months old. The little boy obviously couldn't talk much yet, but the dad was talking to him like he was his peer. The dad was looking at some model cars. The little boy pointed to one and squealed in delight. The dad said, "No, that one is a death trap! If you crash in that one you will be toast!". The little boy giggled, but I'm absolutely sure he had no idea what a death trap was, nor why his dad said he would be toast. The little boy squealed again in delight. His dad said, "Whoa, how about turning down the volume on that thing! I have been to three heavy metal concerts, and you are still hurting my ears!". I think this child's first words will probably be, "Daddy is losing it".

Okay...gotta go wrap a million presents...as if buying them wasn't enough work.